stayed at work, working till now (7:17 p.m.)
now am braindead
going home for dinner at the veggie co-op
thank god for dinners cooked by roommates
on another note.
will have to figure out how to fit creativity back into my life.
this sunday i picked up a brush and paint and paper for the first time in... more than a year.
could only create garbage.
but, it was fun to at least create that.
sigh.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
happy birthday Sandip!~
am heading to bart as soon as i log off.
going to the rockridge station
getting out at montgomery street.
celebrating sandip's BIRTHDAY at ThirstyBear!
later!
going to the rockridge station
getting out at montgomery street.
celebrating sandip's BIRTHDAY at ThirstyBear!
later!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
this one's in honor of Kathryn
thanks for giving me the necessary nudge to post another blog into the ether...
thanks also to Rina for saying you noticed that i haven't blogged recently.
i had no idea anyone cared. ;)
anyway.
hmm.
am sitting at the college of marin transfer center. for a while there, i was fuming. and started to write a rant. the following rant is not that rant. that rant was more... rant-y. then a student walked in and she was so sweet and excited about art history and genetic engineering, it calmed me down a bit. so the following rant is hopefully less vitriolic. thanks to the non-cynical student.
you see, when i made an appointment with the counseling office to do what we call transfer hours here at this community college, (which involves advising transfer students about the application process, but also involves some level of counseling as well), I specifically requested that they (the counseling office) make appointments for me with the students. what this entails is that students call or walk in, and sign up for half-hour time slots on a piece of paper. but no, the person in charge could not do this simple task. it was too much work for her. when i walked in she informed me that yes, students had called requesting appointments but that it was too much work for her to set them up. so she'd just told them to drop in. hmm.
if she had, it would have allowed me to know several things: how many folks i'm likely to see... who's interested... when they're coming, so i can pace how much time i spend with each student, etc etc. but now i'm sitting here. not knowing if NO one is going to come in, or 20 people will all come at once.
sigh.
got to get into a Zen space. i guess.
thanks also to Rina for saying you noticed that i haven't blogged recently.
i had no idea anyone cared. ;)
anyway.
hmm.
am sitting at the college of marin transfer center. for a while there, i was fuming. and started to write a rant. the following rant is not that rant. that rant was more... rant-y. then a student walked in and she was so sweet and excited about art history and genetic engineering, it calmed me down a bit. so the following rant is hopefully less vitriolic. thanks to the non-cynical student.
you see, when i made an appointment with the counseling office to do what we call transfer hours here at this community college, (which involves advising transfer students about the application process, but also involves some level of counseling as well), I specifically requested that they (the counseling office) make appointments for me with the students. what this entails is that students call or walk in, and sign up for half-hour time slots on a piece of paper. but no, the person in charge could not do this simple task. it was too much work for her. when i walked in she informed me that yes, students had called requesting appointments but that it was too much work for her to set them up. so she'd just told them to drop in. hmm.
if she had, it would have allowed me to know several things: how many folks i'm likely to see... who's interested... when they're coming, so i can pace how much time i spend with each student, etc etc. but now i'm sitting here. not knowing if NO one is going to come in, or 20 people will all come at once.
sigh.
got to get into a Zen space. i guess.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
over it...(i hope!)
just got over being sick for a week. a full week of being in bed most of the time, miserable and slightly delirious with fever, aches, bronchial stuff, and, in general all kinds of miseries...
there were moments when i felt it would never end. but am feeling much better now, tho a bit shaken and weak.
what else. am looking forward to Hetal coming to visit next week... I hope we get along and don't argue too much... and that she gets to have some sunshine and mildish Cali weather and that it stops Raining! i guess i should do an anti-rain dance to the SF rain goddesses.
am so annoyed that my sickness seems to have set me back in terms of my new year's resolutions. those of exercise, keeping things organized... also of getting on top of what to Do with the precious time on earth.................................................... (yes those are lots of dots... thinking dots.............................. brooding dots......................................................................................)
there were moments when i felt it would never end. but am feeling much better now, tho a bit shaken and weak.
what else. am looking forward to Hetal coming to visit next week... I hope we get along and don't argue too much... and that she gets to have some sunshine and mildish Cali weather and that it stops Raining! i guess i should do an anti-rain dance to the SF rain goddesses.
am so annoyed that my sickness seems to have set me back in terms of my new year's resolutions. those of exercise, keeping things organized... also of getting on top of what to Do with the precious time on earth.................................................... (yes those are lots of dots... thinking dots.............................. brooding dots......................................................................................)
Sunday, February 13, 2005
finally
i feel as though, finally, today i return to the land of the alive. although still coughing and weak and breathless and lightheaded at the slightest effort - like walking to the driveway, for instance- i could today taste the juice again of being here, and present. though,at times, it tasted more like tingly bitter echinacea than anything else. (the last few days i've been in bed more than 90 percent of the time,sick with fever, aches, chills, coughs, you-name-it...)
Monday, February 07, 2005
quotes from Nisha make life better
my friend Nisha is one of the sweetest people i know. and she gets these quotes of the day delivered to her inbox, and she sends them to me (and others) sometimes, if she really likes them.
after my frazzled morning, and my annoying conversation (see below) i saw this from Nisha. thank you, nishaji!
after my frazzled morning, and my annoying conversation (see below) i saw this from Nisha. thank you, nishaji!
We must pass through solitude and difficulty, isolation and silence,
to find that enchanted place where we can dance our clumsy dance and
sing our sorrowful song. But in that dance, and in that song, the
most ancient rites of our conscience fulfill themselves in the awareness
of being human.-- Pablo Neruda
taking a break
... do you ever have a conversation with someone who just makes you want to scream epithets and say, "you're wrong! you're so wrong!!!!!!" argh. i just did.
... had a rough morning too... for *various* reasons was late heading out the door. not late, mind you, early. and then, for various other reasons got a bit later. the thing is i was still on time and not late. but today was one of those days i had been determined to be *early* which did not happen.
all the aforementioned and yet not discussed reasons could have been managed individually.
But together they proved to be stressful.
and then, the day started going better, after i realized that after all, i may not have been early to work, but at least i wasn't Late.
but then, after lunch i had the aforementioned conversation with an aggravating person. in person, which is worse than over the phone, cuz then you have to act all polite, and you can't make silly faces into the air.
mental note to self. do Not Insist on conversing extensively with people that you already know aggravate you, especially if the conversation is after lunch and that lunch consisted of pizza.
because the combo of:
later-than-wanted-to-be-morning + pizza (no matter how little) + aggravating-person-who-just-won't-be-reasonable-and-lives-on-another-planet-and-yet-you-have-to-deal-with-every-day = stomache ache.
whew. there.
feel better.
am chewing gum...
if this made no sense, don't worry. it means that you, my friend, are Normal.
but, thanks for "listening..."
... had a rough morning too... for *various* reasons was late heading out the door. not late, mind you, early. and then, for various other reasons got a bit later. the thing is i was still on time and not late. but today was one of those days i had been determined to be *early* which did not happen.
all the aforementioned and yet not discussed reasons could have been managed individually.
But together they proved to be stressful.
and then, the day started going better, after i realized that after all, i may not have been early to work, but at least i wasn't Late.
but then, after lunch i had the aforementioned conversation with an aggravating person. in person, which is worse than over the phone, cuz then you have to act all polite, and you can't make silly faces into the air.
mental note to self. do Not Insist on conversing extensively with people that you already know aggravate you, especially if the conversation is after lunch and that lunch consisted of pizza.
because the combo of:
later-than-wanted-to-be-morning + pizza (no matter how little) + aggravating-person-who-just-won't-be-reasonable-and-lives-on-another-planet-and-yet-you-have-to-deal-with-every-day = stomache ache.
whew. there.
feel better.
am chewing gum...
if this made no sense, don't worry. it means that you, my friend, are Normal.
but, thanks for "listening..."
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Thursday, January 27, 2005
(no title can encompass Sarah Jones)
I.A.M.A.P.O.E.T.T.O.O.
is what's on the stage--- a long banner hung in the air, across the stage. when i enter the theatre, my first visit to the berkeley rep, headed for the bathroom, there is bhangra music playing. at the berkeley rep. hmm. my head turns towards the auditorium as my feet carry me to the restroom -- i had caught sight of the sign, 'there will be no intermission' and i just know that i need to go now, but part of me wants to enter the theatre already. mild curiosity stirs. why bhangra? there must be a multi-cultural element, maybe? but the name, sarah jones... hmm. let's see.
as i sit, i'm aware that my body, after a 9 hour work day, is uncomfortable. I have my period. wish i'd had time to go home and shower before this show. i find myself wondering if I'll be able to get comfortable, and, if I'm not, will I be distracted, will I want to go home, will my mind wander and will I wish I hadn't decided to go by myself on a thursday evening to go see this show, about which i have read nothing, as I wanted to come to this with no preconceived notions.
the show starts, before i quite realize. and i'm transfixed, entranced. taken by the actors, it seems, although there is only one woman, Sarah, performing. i see before me so many. from Muhammed Ali (not the one you're thinking of) to Mrs. Levine who reminds me so, so much of the secretary at my dad's office in manhattan, to Juan Jose, who tells of a true Mexican love story that is pure romance and pure tragedy, and yet he tells it, and I find myself shaking myself, trying to see the woman behind all these characters, and then i give in, give in to the reality that while she plays these people, she is Pakistani, Palestinian, Russian, Vietnamese, Jamaican, Haitian, Chinese, even Australian for crying out loud.
I don't want to tell you too much. I probably already have. because I want you to go see it.
i cried when i left the theatre. not because it made me sad.
but because it was Over.
is what's on the stage--- a long banner hung in the air, across the stage. when i enter the theatre, my first visit to the berkeley rep, headed for the bathroom, there is bhangra music playing. at the berkeley rep. hmm. my head turns towards the auditorium as my feet carry me to the restroom -- i had caught sight of the sign, 'there will be no intermission' and i just know that i need to go now, but part of me wants to enter the theatre already. mild curiosity stirs. why bhangra? there must be a multi-cultural element, maybe? but the name, sarah jones... hmm. let's see.
as i sit, i'm aware that my body, after a 9 hour work day, is uncomfortable. I have my period. wish i'd had time to go home and shower before this show. i find myself wondering if I'll be able to get comfortable, and, if I'm not, will I be distracted, will I want to go home, will my mind wander and will I wish I hadn't decided to go by myself on a thursday evening to go see this show, about which i have read nothing, as I wanted to come to this with no preconceived notions.
the show starts, before i quite realize. and i'm transfixed, entranced. taken by the actors, it seems, although there is only one woman, Sarah, performing. i see before me so many. from Muhammed Ali (not the one you're thinking of) to Mrs. Levine who reminds me so, so much of the secretary at my dad's office in manhattan, to Juan Jose, who tells of a true Mexican love story that is pure romance and pure tragedy, and yet he tells it, and I find myself shaking myself, trying to see the woman behind all these characters, and then i give in, give in to the reality that while she plays these people, she is Pakistani, Palestinian, Russian, Vietnamese, Jamaican, Haitian, Chinese, even Australian for crying out loud.
I don't want to tell you too much. I probably already have. because I want you to go see it.
i cried when i left the theatre. not because it made me sad.
but because it was Over.
if you want to read a more in depth review and don't mind
knowing some more details before seeing the show, go to http://tinyurl.com/6tmrh
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
somebody keeps stealing my letters...
http://web.okaygo.co.uk/apps/letters/flashcom/index80.htm
this is a weird site. fun for a few minutes. but people just randomly steal letters, and don't seem to collaborate on cool words or poetry... but try it, maybe you'll get more interesting folks on at the same time as you.
this is a weird site. fun for a few minutes. but people just randomly steal letters, and don't seem to collaborate on cool words or poetry... but try it, maybe you'll get more interesting folks on at the same time as you.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
disgusting
U.S. Army recruiters cause uproar at College Park High
By Jackie BurrellCONTRA COSTA TIMES
PLEASANT HILL - U.S. Army recruiters turned College Park High School's quad into a lunchtime shooting range Wednesday, much to the consternation of teachers and students.
http://tinyurl.com/65vfc
I see these recruiters when i'm on the road... it's scary how much access they have to the children of this country.
By Jackie BurrellCONTRA COSTA TIMES
PLEASANT HILL - U.S. Army recruiters turned College Park High School's quad into a lunchtime shooting range Wednesday, much to the consternation of teachers and students.
http://tinyurl.com/65vfc
I see these recruiters when i'm on the road... it's scary how much access they have to the children of this country.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
about to
head out, to pick up Zachary's pizza to take to U and C's snazzy (so I've heard) new place to get together with the old "gang"... (actually i've got so many diff old gangs...) this one consists of minoo, ulka, conor, sandip, radhika, mallika, whom i haven't seen in forever... it'll be nice to catch up with the other side of the bay folks... whom i see less now than when i was in noe valley... logical, of course, though not really, considering how often i actually find myself in the city... like, for example, this past friday, when i went to el rio... which is a different post altogether, and maybe more of a private diary entry than a post...
Friday, January 21, 2005
did you see this??
Fresh panic in islands drives hundreds to mainland India
http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/002200501211614.htm
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/002200501211614.htm
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so happy...
i just had something happen that made my day, if not my wknd... i won't mention names, so as to not invade privacy.
there is a student who thought she'd have to withdraw, and who came to tell me that sad fact earlier this week. She thought she'd exhausted all her possibilities, but i encouraged her to go talk to the financial aid director, but I despaired because i knew she was just saying yes she would so as to make me feel better... so i called ***** to let him know i was worried about her, and that i'd strongly encouraged her to go see him... he at first didn't seem to think that much could be done, but then somehow came up with more aid for her. So now she came to see me, all radiant smiles, cuz she's going to stay!!! so happy i am. even though my neck still hurts. ;)
there is a student who thought she'd have to withdraw, and who came to tell me that sad fact earlier this week. She thought she'd exhausted all her possibilities, but i encouraged her to go talk to the financial aid director, but I despaired because i knew she was just saying yes she would so as to make me feel better... so i called ***** to let him know i was worried about her, and that i'd strongly encouraged her to go see him... he at first didn't seem to think that much could be done, but then somehow came up with more aid for her. So now she came to see me, all radiant smiles, cuz she's going to stay!!! so happy i am. even though my neck still hurts. ;)
staying up too late doing nothing...
... just stayed up, i.m.ing an acquaintance, till now. got to get out of the grip of technology....
too tired to think let alone blog.
deep thought. was happier in india when i didn't have access to email for days at a time! hhmm... should try that. tho diff to accomplish with so much ready internet around, beckoning...
i got a phone call from an old flame today. he only calls me from airports on his way to or from some country or another... we have these very disconnected conversations. it used to bother me. but now i'm at peace with that. actually feeling quite detached from things in general. but not in a bad "time to worry about me" kind of way. just like, you know, a chilled out space. it'll be good to get more attached too... not necessarily relationship-wise, though that might be fun... but in general, with the writing the performing the being immersed in arts... and finding ways to service that don't feel claustrophobic and do-gooderish...
too tired to think let alone blog.
deep thought. was happier in india when i didn't have access to email for days at a time! hhmm... should try that. tho diff to accomplish with so much ready internet around, beckoning...
i got a phone call from an old flame today. he only calls me from airports on his way to or from some country or another... we have these very disconnected conversations. it used to bother me. but now i'm at peace with that. actually feeling quite detached from things in general. but not in a bad "time to worry about me" kind of way. just like, you know, a chilled out space. it'll be good to get more attached too... not necessarily relationship-wise, though that might be fun... but in general, with the writing the performing the being immersed in arts... and finding ways to service that don't feel claustrophobic and do-gooderish...
Thursday, January 20, 2005
pain is all relative
neck is paining me. pain in the neck. ha ha ha.
i'm a pain in the neck. i know SO many people who think so. But that's okay, cuz i know that you ( and you sure know who you are!) deal with it, as i deal with you. could i be more cryptic? ;)
anyways, (why am i saying anyways these days?) i am staying late at work, but taking a longish break. Dharma, it was nice to see your comments. It sounds like you are having a fabulous time in gujarat, just like i *knew* you would.
for those who don't know, dharma is my little, er not so little anymore (6 foot 3) brother. who is in india right now, first visit in 6 years. he loves being there, with the relatives, like i do. in fact i remember one of the best times dharma and i ever had together was a few days when we hung out together with family in Mehsana, where he is now... oh... wish i were there right now.
oh. okay. going to get two solid hours of work done. that is my goal. let us see what happens, shall we?
i'm a pain in the neck. i know SO many people who think so. But that's okay, cuz i know that you ( and you sure know who you are!) deal with it, as i deal with you. could i be more cryptic? ;)
anyways, (why am i saying anyways these days?) i am staying late at work, but taking a longish break. Dharma, it was nice to see your comments. It sounds like you are having a fabulous time in gujarat, just like i *knew* you would.
for those who don't know, dharma is my little, er not so little anymore (6 foot 3) brother. who is in india right now, first visit in 6 years. he loves being there, with the relatives, like i do. in fact i remember one of the best times dharma and i ever had together was a few days when we hung out together with family in Mehsana, where he is now... oh... wish i were there right now.
oh. okay. going to get two solid hours of work done. that is my goal. let us see what happens, shall we?
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
at work...
neck still tingling.. shoulder and arm in pain... but at work... got lots of work... :)
maybe should get a kaiser appt... okay, now lunch
maybe should get a kaiser appt... okay, now lunch
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
neck tingling with pain
i had this once before, in india... not fun... but this time seems less bad than last... maybe because i know enough about it to NOT try to put bengay and other warming type things on it...
god. it's only the 3rd day of this blog, and it's already getting boring and mundane. :)
i think it's because, when you know, let me correct and say, when I know, that others may read these thoughts, there is a tendency to self - edit, and think... hmm... do i really want to go public with this, or with that?
yesterday i was in a bit of denial about the seriousness of the neck problem and tried to go on, life as usual, with the aid of many, many milograms of ibuprofen. maybe not such a good idea. nisha and i were supposed to go on a hike, but that got cancelled. instead, we went to la med for some good hummus etc, and then i dragged poor nisha to some of the overpriced stores on college to shop. it was pretty funny, shopping for earrings with a bent neck, and in obvious pain. the helpful waiflike girl tried to give advice (bengay, massage, warm bath) that, had i followed, i would be screaming in pain right now. what was funny to both nisha and me was that the girl was indian. actually, let me try to explain. that wasn't the funny part, obviously. what was funny was this girl did not at all give the appearance of being indian. she was very trendily, hip-ly dressed, with a punky, pixie cut, and there was nothing in her persona indicating the usual "hmm is she indian?" flag... but then we were talking about earrings, and then it came out. she mentioned going shopping at indian stores for jewelry and needing to buy earrings for little girls cuz the indian jewelry for adults was so hugely overpowering... that's when i asked her. turns out she's marathi. go figure
god. it's only the 3rd day of this blog, and it's already getting boring and mundane. :)
i think it's because, when you know, let me correct and say, when I know, that others may read these thoughts, there is a tendency to self - edit, and think... hmm... do i really want to go public with this, or with that?
yesterday i was in a bit of denial about the seriousness of the neck problem and tried to go on, life as usual, with the aid of many, many milograms of ibuprofen. maybe not such a good idea. nisha and i were supposed to go on a hike, but that got cancelled. instead, we went to la med for some good hummus etc, and then i dragged poor nisha to some of the overpriced stores on college to shop. it was pretty funny, shopping for earrings with a bent neck, and in obvious pain. the helpful waiflike girl tried to give advice (bengay, massage, warm bath) that, had i followed, i would be screaming in pain right now. what was funny to both nisha and me was that the girl was indian. actually, let me try to explain. that wasn't the funny part, obviously. what was funny was this girl did not at all give the appearance of being indian. she was very trendily, hip-ly dressed, with a punky, pixie cut, and there was nothing in her persona indicating the usual "hmm is she indian?" flag... but then we were talking about earrings, and then it came out. she mentioned going shopping at indian stores for jewelry and needing to buy earrings for little girls cuz the indian jewelry for adults was so hugely overpowering... that's when i asked her. turns out she's marathi. go figure
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